International Journal of Psychotherapy Practice and Research

International Journal of Psychotherapy Practice and Research

International Journal of Psychotherapy Practice and Research

Current Issue Volume No: 2 Issue No: 2

Research Article Open Access Available online freely Peer Reviewed Citation

Anchors of the Self: Cultivating Life Longings (Sehnsucht) and Goals in LGBTQ+ Therapeutic Discourse

Article Type: Research Article

Eli Sharon 1  

1Tel Aviv Academic college

Abstract

We have highlighted the significant harm caused by internalized homophobia in LGBTQ+ individuals and the dimensions of internalized identity that often dim and redirect Motivations and Longings for a meaningful and valuable life for individuals in the LGBTQ+ community. We surveyed the dimensions of Life Goals and Longings as a basis for building motivation and a sense of worth in the individual, which forms the foundation of emotional well-being. From the perspective of the need for Longings and Life Goals, we identified relevant focal points in empowering work to establish these anchors within LGBTQ+ individuals. This process primarily focuses, alongside interpersonal and social dimensions, on the internal feelings associated with an individual's sense of identity. We emphasized the importance of having unique, personally tailored Longings for LGBTQ+ clients that are rooted in the dimensions ('virtues') of what is called 'character.’ As Hammack and Toolis (2014) articulated, we did not focus on others' perceptions of the LGBTQ+ individual as the sole central factor in constructing an individual's sense of self-esteem, although it is an important factor. Instead, we focused on the view that LGBTQ+ individuals mainly construct their self-esteem based on their perception of their values relative to those of society around them. An individual's values and Goals are at the center of constructing their sense of self-esteem when compared to society’s ‘correct' Goals. Individuals see themselves in character traits, less so in terms of function, in relation to their environment, and thus define their self-esteem as being 'good' or 'bad' in their own eyes 66, 64, 67.

Author Contributions
Received 20 Dec 2025; Accepted 12 Feb 2026; Published 03 Mar 2026;

Academic Editor: Ian James Martins, Principal Research Fellow, Edith Cowan University

Checked for plagiarism: Yes

Review by: Single-blind

Copyright ©  2026 Eli Sharon.

License
Creative Commons License     This is an open-access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License, which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in any medium, provided the original author and source are credited.

Competing interests

The authors have declared that no competing interests exist.

Citation:

Eli Sharon (2026) Anchors of the Self: Cultivating Life Longings (Sehnsucht) and Goals in LGBTQ+ Therapeutic Discourse. International Journal of Psychotherapy Practice and Research - 2(2):34-44. https://doi.org/10.14302/issn.2574-612X.ijpr-25-5933

Download as RIS, BibTeX, Text (Include abstract )

DOI 10.14302/issn.2574-612X.ijpr-25-5933

Introduction

Internalized homophobia is linked to difficulties in the sense of belonging, self-worth, and the construction of a healthy and coherent identity 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Studies have addressed the psychological difficulties (symptoms) experienced by members of the LGBTQ+ community due to social stigma based on prejudice, sexist, and gendered perceptions 6, 3, 4, 7. There is no extensive discussion on the place of Life Longing and how it constructs an individual's overall emotional well-being 8, 9. We recommend viewing these as focal points in therapeutic work in general and in work with LGBTQ+ populations in particular.

We will focus mainly on emotional well-being, feelings of satisfaction, and value as deeply influenced by the Goals that people are committed to dimensions that are occurring in the therapeutic field recently 10, 11, 12. We emphasize the importance of seeing longings, values, aspirations, and Life Goals at the center of the therapeutic process from the understanding that they are the foundation of the individual's sense of 'self’, identity, and emotional well-being, as Emmons (2003) states. Therapists can view them as the basis for constructing mental well-being 13, 14.

Longings

The definition and theory of longing as a foundation for well-being can be found in only a few studies 8, 15. Kemper (1978), Lazarus (2020), Shaver et al. (1987), and Turner and Stets (2005) refer to longing as a second-order emotion that constitutes an "umbrella" for first-order emotions such as feelings of joy and sadness. Holm (1999) sees feelings of hope-grief, fear-joy (hope), fear-anger-depression, and satisfaction as encompassed under the umbrella of Longing. Longing is a motif that carries and holds the most intense and basic emotions of an individual. According to the developmental theories of Maslow (1998) and Rogers (1961), what underlies the essential change for a person during their development is a change in Longing.

Longing is known in the literature mainly from the German word Sehnsucht and is defined as a high level of desire that sometimes exists with a feeling of pain (due to the lack, E.S.) and exists continuously and repeatedly to achieve the desired or when its attainment is uncertain and still far off 16. In this definition is also the dimension of hope, of "savoring life", which rests on a feeling of deep need and desire, as expressed in the definition found in the Cambridge Dictionary: "A feeling of wanting something or someone very much". It is a feeling of yearning for something or someone. Here we will use the term Life Longing (LL) which shiftingis defined as an intense desire for alternative states in the significant dimension of self-fulfillment in life, serving as a repository that encompasses a wide range of intense and basic emotions related to the essence of the individual, as they deal with personal and collective thoughts and feelings about the optimal or utopian life of the individual 9.

The Distinction Between Longings and Goals

A critical theoretical baseline is the distinction between Longings and Goals17. While Goals are attainable and structured by importance, specificity, and timeframe, longings are inherently unattainable and marked by ambivalence. Longings persist over time, intensifying through self-reflection and self-assessment as individuals mature. They "color" the individual's approach to loss and provide direction when goals remain unattainable.

Longing and Self-Esteem

Self-esteem, vital for well-being, encompasses perceived competence and self-liking 18, 19 and grows from progress toward Life Goals. Autonomous well-being emerges when longings align with freely chosen Goals 20, 21. Self-esteem is connected to goal achievement and successfully navigating life challenges 22, 23. Longings reflect past perceptions 9 and drive essential personal development; without this striving, well-being declines 23.

Well-being, Goals, and Motivation

Goals are internal representations vital for well-being, driving consciousness, thought, and emotion. Motivation can be preventative or proactive, with therapeutic approaches shaping Life Goals to enhance purpose and self-efficacy 18, 24, 25, 26. Meaning in life is a key component of well-being, and its absence predicts psychological distress 27, 28. Therapy focuses on Goal actualization, as self-efficacy from the Goal hierarchy builds self-worth. Goals are concrete expressions of future orientation that link well-being to striving and achievement 18, 29, 30. Therapists help update and strategize Goals, boosting purpose 31, 32, 33. Meaning independently fosters well-being and development. Therapeutic strategies can utilize Emmons' (1986) four well-being Goal dimensions—Intimacy, Spirituality, Generativity, and Power—prioritizing personal meaning 34. Models such as Ryff's (1995) and Dissanayake's (2016) provide frameworks for integrated well-being work. Internally oriented motivations yield higher well-being, while external motivations can lead to distress 35. Striving intensity strongly contributes to well-being 36, 37.

Self-Determination Theory 38 posits that optimal development stems from active motivation. Conversely, avoidance and suppressed longings diminish well-being, a risk especially pronounced in the LGBTQ+ community due to identity concealment and desire suppression, leading to higher rates of distress, anxiety, depression, and suicide 39, 40. Acting on core virtues fosters consistency, purpose, and coherence in one's life narrative, forming the basis for achieving Life Goals 41, 42, 37. Therapists assist clients, especially LGBTQ + individuals, in actualizing unique Life Goals aligned with these self-virtues 43.

LGBTQ+ Longings in a Heterosexual Society

The suppression or non-fulfillment of personal longings can extinguish an individual's will to live, undermining resilience and manifesting as anxiety, depression, substance abuse, or suicidality 9. This is particularly acute within the LGBTQ+ community, where identity concealment and desire suppression correlate with heightened rates of distress 44, 40. Such concealment erodes hope and self-confidence while exacerbating guilt 45. For these individuals, consolidating a positive identity requires deep emotional and cognitive integration 46, as self-liking is rooted more in the realization of internal Goals and longings than in external perceptions 47. Consequently, identity integration affirmed by internal objectives is vital for mental stability and self-acceptance.

Goals and Motivations in therapy

Since the 1950s, psychotherapy has shifted from symptom reduction to holistic well-being and efficacy 48. To move from abstract longing to concrete action, the therapist must cultivate specific character virtues that allow the individual to withstand societal pressure. Based on Emmons (2003), the following are some specific virtues or qualities for pursuing Life Goals:

Prudence

Well-being involve striving for "good" long-term Goals. However, LGBTQ+ individuals often face societal norms that invalidate their longings, framing their relational aspirations as "not good" and creating systemic barriers. We propose that therapists reframe these goals as positive acts of prudence, transforming protective caution from a mode of concealment into a strategic strength. This shift fosters personal integration and empowers clients to pursue life Goals that align with their authentic identities.

Patience

The capacity to remain present and identify opportunities, which is a prerequisite for meaningful achievement. In therapy, cultivating the patience to tolerate discomfort allows LGBTQ+ individuals to better navigate others' reactions to their identity, thereby mitigating emotional distress 49. This stance bolsters resilience, enabling clients to confront systemic barriers with reduced resentment while fostering the determination necessary to pursue authentic life Goals. Ultimately, patience serves as a protective shield for sustained and long-term striving.

Perseverance

Distinct from present-focused patience, refers to future-oriented commitment and enduring suffering, despite obstacles. However, it must be directed towards "correct" and authentic Goals, as misdirected effort leads to futility and distress. Therapists can guide clients in defining and adopting suitable Goals.

Longing in Clinical Practice

To effectively identify and work with an individual's longings, clinicians can utilize Holm’s (1999) model, which defines three primary dimensions: focus (object, person, or situation), degree of specificity (general vs. specific), and perceived agency (active vs. passive). Beyond these, longings are characterized by direction, emotional valence (positive-negative), expectations, temporal orientation (past-future), and intensity. These dimensions allow therapists to describe and observe longings in a way that facilitates the clinical work of obscuring, enhancing, or actualizing such longings 9.

Following this, we suggest that therapists prioritize clients' developmental needs and self-realization Goals. The initial phase of this therapeutic process focuses on emotional well-being, as described by Fava (2017) based on Ryff's model (1995):

Purpose in Life

Well-being is characterized by a clear sense of direction, meaningful past and present experiences, and beliefs that provide significance to life. In contrast, a deficiency is marked by a lack of meaning, aimlessness, and an absence of intentional Goals or guiding purposes.

Autonomy

Positive well-being is defined by independence, self-determination, and the ability to resist social pressure while regulating behavior according to internal standards. Conversely, low well-being manifests as excessive preoccupation with others' judgments, reliance on external validation for decision-making, and a tendency to conform to social expectations.

Self-acceptance

Negatively, individuals experience self-dissatisfaction, unhappiness, past disappointments, and a desire to be different. They have a favorable self-attitude, accept all personal qualities, and feel positive about their past.

Positive Interpersonal relationships

Well-being involves the capacity for intimacy and concern for others' welfare through reciprocal, trusting relationships. Conversely, poor well-being manifests as social isolation, strained interactions, and lack of flexibility in establishing close connections.

After the initial Goal work, therapists can help clients transition from defensive patterns to an active, proactive stance. This relies on theories emphasizing self-realization as foundational for well-being, such as Maslow's self-actualization (1970), Rogers' fully functioning person (1980), Allport's (1961) maturity, and Jung's (1939) individuation.

Verbalizing Longing

Therapists can help clients articulate their longings through the five dimensions identified by Scheibe et al. (2007):

Incompleteness - Recognizing a missing element essential for a fuller life.

Utopian Alternatives - Imagining ideal realities is a vital process for LGBTQ+ clients, contrasting lived rejection with longed-for acceptance.

Continuity - Fostering a sense of connection between positive past experiences and future aspirations.

Emotional Ambivalence - Navigating the "bittersweet" Tension between Hope and the Frustration of Reality.

Self-comparison - Guiding clients to establish personal standards of self-worth based on individualized Goals rather than detrimental societal norms.

More detailed information can be found in the works of 50, 51, 52, 8, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62.

In practice, the therapist identifies "content anchors" that express the gap between the actual and desired state. Drawing on Erikson’s (1959) developmental stages and Shweder’s (1996) themes (love, power, achievement, identity), longings are mapped across the life span. The clinical process involves three developmental steps:

Exploring the origins (when, how, and why the longing arose).

Tracking evolution throughout the client’s maturation process.

Understanding the functional role of longing in the client's current life and self-efficacy.

This maturation is viewed through a "developmental pattern triangle”, accounting for age-graded, history-graded, and unique interpersonal influences. In cases where clients cannot identify any longings, the therapist may view this absence as a clinical starting point. This "unformulated absence" often serves as a protective mechanism. Even extinguishing longings can be a strategy to preserve a sense of security, love, or survival under specific life circumstances.

The use of symbolic discourse

At this stage of therapeutic discourse, dealing with the formulation of longings, we recommend the use of metaphors. Sailing to realms beyond current existence and to realms of utopian longing and desire can be developed into verbalization through imagery and metaphors. Scheibe et al. (2007b) and Boesch (1998) mention that in working on Longings, it is good to help the client reside in symbolic dimensions that allow for rich discourse that is less limited by reality. The verbalization of longings expresses personal knowledge unique to the client, based on the individual's life experience, and enumerates basic life conditions that will allow a sense of fulfillment within incompleteness and imperfection. An expansion of the approach that emphasizes the experience of expanding the 'self' beyond existence dependent on others, which allows the individual to have a sense of competence and unique self-realization according to their Goals, can be found in Loonstra et al.'s (2007) article. We recommend that the discourse be rich in emotional dimensions that refer to lack, the utopian ideal, and feelings of sadness, fear, and disappointment, alongside feelings of strength and joy that respond to the negative and positive experiences in their lives, as enumerated by Scheibe et al. (2007b).

Longings and Goals in the Concrete World

The existence and pursuit of Goals are fundamental to well-being 43. Formulating life Goals involves defining their importance, specificity, and temporal structure 52, 50. Unlike longings, which remain ambivalent and idealized, these concrete Goals provide a functional roadmap for the individual's daily life: (1) Goal Formulation: Lack of clear verbalization hinders the identification of opportunities, emphasizing "intention viability" for practical action 63; (2) Intention Activation: Environmental attitudes significantly influence an individual's drive to act. This is crucial for LGBTQ+ individuals, where therapy may help them establish Goals despite the societal context. Therapists can use imagery, self-compassion, and personal responsibility to connect with clients’ unique longings. Processing past disappointments and honoring complex emotions (pain, joy) foster internal commitment and conscious journeys towards well-being. Sheeran et al. (2008) also suggest what they call "intention elaboration" to actualize Goal Orientation. Goal-directed behaviors manifest in diverse forms and contexts, encompassing a rich array of actions beyond direct Goal realization, which mitigates anxiety. For LGBTQ+ clients, therapists must recognize that progress often lacks support from heterosexual environments. Therefore, establishing unique, positive support networks is essential, especially when their environment denies their authentic longings.

A clinical example

Applying Holm’s (1999) framework reveals the complexity of an LGBTQ+ individual’s longings. Here, the drive to establish a 'normative' family coexists with a fragile self-image 64, eroded by internalized homophobia and the weight of heterosexist supremacy. Modern perspectives highlight that self-worth is a dynamic construct shaped by social validation and personal agency 65. Within the therapeutic process, the longing for family acts as a vehicle for reclaiming self-competence, shifting the focus from internalized stigma toward an active, valued role as a partner or parent 62. Consequently, the therapist may identify this longing as a central focal point, using 'Family' to address the patient's core needs for belonging and self-esteem. The therapist assists in making these needs present, highlighting how establishing a family can address the individual’s needs. These needs converge around the longing for parenthood and partnership, which provide a solid foundation for fulfilling these desires. Within this framework, self-worth is viewed as a byproduct of intergenerational continuity and the perceived impact that the individual has on their family unit and society at large. As therapists examine the specific dimensions of fulfilling this longing, they must facilitate exploration of the unique challenges facing non-heterosexual individuals during the family building process. This involves navigating legal, technical, and social complexities, as well as the broader family dynamics encountered when pursuing the Goals encapsulated by the longing for a family. By engaging in the act of ‘family making', individuals are empowered to experience themselves as active agents. This engagement serves as the foundation for a healthy, proactive stance that fosters self-efficacy and identity. Ultimately, this process builds a sense of meaning underpinning self-worth and overall well-being. To integrate these gains, the therapist helps expand and deepen the actions derived from this longing, treating it as a cluster of needs essential to constructing a 'valued self'.

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